


Praise the Sun (and pass the titanium axe)

by Anonymous



Category: The Kittens Game
Genre: Bad Bang, Couldn't think of a better ending, Deliberate Bad Art, Deliberate Badfic, Gen, I just discovered oil!, Warning : excessive use of the F word, and the ivory???, need more wood now, no kittens were harmed in the making of this fic, seriously why do 40 kittens need 20 observatories??, what did I do with myself before the kittens game?, where the hell do the furs come from anyway?, why does a log hut need 40K of wood???, why should I build a mansion for one tiny kitten?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-31
Updated: 2015-03-31
Packaged: 2018-03-20 13:38:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3652401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I wanted to write a sweeping epic fic that covered the rise and fall of the kitten civilization but this is not that fic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Praise the Sun (and pass the titanium axe)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [saiditallbefore](https://archiveofourown.org/users/saiditallbefore/gifts), [AdaptationDecay](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AdaptationDecay/gifts).



> For VictoriaWrites. I know you didn't request this fandom for the Big Bang but I don't know any of your fandoms and I don't have time to read up on them in wikipedia because I'm too busy playing the kittens game.
> 
> AdaptationDecay - this is really for VictoriaWrites but I added you because I'm sucking up to you because you're like God or something. Also I want cookies. Or titanium.... I really really want titanium....

You are a kitten in a catnip forest.

You begin to cut wood. You'll never stop cutting wood. There is never enough wood. There can never _be_ enough fucking wood. If you cut down whole forests, and make beams, and then make scaffolds of the beams there will never be enough wood. There is never enough fucking wood. The only thing you need more than wood is fucking titanium.

One day when you are chopping wood a zebra comes along carrying a basket of fresh titanium. You smile at it nicely and offer it gold, and slabs, and all the catpower in the land in return for the titanium.

The zebra hates you for no reason and gives you nothing.

The fucking zebra hates you for no fucking reason!

# Fuck the fucking zebras.

You decide that you've had enough of this zebriachy.

So you go to the fields where your legions of unicorns are contentedly grazing and making more unicorns and you promise to give them all the furs and spices they desire if they will help free you from the tyranny of the fucking zebras.

Happy at your plan you go back to your catnip forest and begin to chop wood again (because there is never enough fucking wood). You wait for the unicorns to force the zebras to ~~eat their fucking vegetables~~ give you the titanium.

So the next time the zebras come in their ships they take all the fucking unicorns with them. Back to the land of endless titanium.

You were screwed over by a bunch of fucking zebras and unicorns.

You are a kitten in a massively overcrowded city. You have 27 observatories, 15 libraries, 54 aqueducts, 45 coal mines, 18 smelters and 27 tradeposts. You have discovered writing, and chemistry, navigation and astronomy, physics and biology. You have your own religion (Praise the Sun!). You have temples, and mints, and mountains of coal. But no fucking titanium. And now, no unicorns.

Fuck the zebras.

~ End

Winter (warm) Year 2139 . BLS 99%.

......Oh, wait. Are those zombies????? And they only cost two million scaffolds. Damn it - I need a titanium axe. Come back zebras. I love you.

Sad kitten.

[](http://imgur.com/y50Ay2E)


End file.
